chunks.

awhile ago, i posted a blog about all my random plane adventures. this past monday, on june 21st 2010, i added another fun adventure to that bucket list.

i puked on the plane.

as in the barf bag, not in the privacy of the bathroom.

i was in calgary this weekend to drinks beers with my padre on father's day, and had to take the early flight back on monday morning to get back to work on time. aka 5 am wake up call (4 am vancouver time) for a 7:15 am flight.

i wish i could tell you the puking was caused by me being hungover and getting a case of motion sickness, but alas, it's way stupider then that. i'll be straight up honest, i forgot to take my birth control the night before so i doubled my dose to stay on track (yes, i'm aware that i am, as zach would say, a retard) fully knowing the extra hormones make me nauseous but i thought for some reason this time that would magically not happen. needless to say i woke feeling funny and it went downhill from there. i ate some toast and had a glass of OJ thinking it would settle my stomach (un-logic german logic, always eat something to feel better). by the time i was waiting to board i was working overtime to stop feeling nauseous.

i got on the plane and beelined for the bathroom. at this point i didn't think i was going to puke, i just wanted the wave of nausea to be over so i did the old splash cold water on the face and take a breather. in the awesomely ventilated small airplane bathroom. i heard the safety announcements come on so i knew i had to get back to my seat for take off. at this point i did feel better so i thought worst case if i feel shitty again, i'll go back to the bathroom in ten minutes once we are in the air. so i went back, buckled up, pointed the little AC fan to my face and tried to relax.

but then, that feeling, that horrible, horrible feeling where you know no matter what happens, IT'S COMING UP AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. i had maybe 2 minutes, MAX before i wouldn't be able to hold it down anymore. i quickly surveyed my surroundings and realized we are in the most awkward moment of the flight for me to do this.

the flight attendants are seated and buckled up, everyone has their ipods/seat tv/computers turned off for this brief moment where we all wait to feel to force of the airplane take off. but that beautiful moment of silence before it happens.

this is when i decided to puke.

i looked over at my unassuming seat partner, i tap him on the shoulder.

me: "excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you, I just wanted to warn you that I am having a wave of nausea and I think I'm going to vomit, so sorry in advance"

him: "oh... okay... do you have the bag in your seat?"

and at that moment, i grabbed the famous barf bag that i have starred at for the almost 19 years that i have been flying and never had to use, and puked. only 2 hefty hurls and that was it. i discreetly sealed the bag and put it under my seat. and then, the plane did his turbo feel the force thing down the runway and we were off.

most.embarrassing.thing.ever

never in my life, did i think i would be one of those awkward people who puke in the barf bags. we hate those people.

at least the guy beside me reassured me that "you were very polite, very discreet". thank you monday morning business man. thank you.

and to further brighten the mood, my favorite bit about airplanes and airports, jerry seinfeld. so painfully accurate if you fly a lot. the first time i heard this i pissed myself laughing.