fail boat you have competition

so the other day dan is all like "yo you need to watch Fringe" and i'm like, ah hellz no. and he's like "no for reals you like x-files so you'll this show" and i was like whatever.

reenactment:

so for those of you who don't know fringe, it's another new j.j abrams show, same master mind behind lost and cloverfield. i love hate j.j because he created alias, my favorite show ever (don't hate). and when he abandoned it for lost, alias turned into crap so fuck you j.j. but then i got hooked onto lost so the jokes on me.

anyways, dan is showing me an episode of fringe and i'm not impressed until pacey from dawson's creek shows up and gives me the best stank face and reciprocated my feelings. it was so good that i found a screencap of it and created this:

which i now send to anyone that fails at work. it's the new fail bot, spread that shit around. pacey commands you.

facebook your face.

i like facebook, i use it daily. but god damn it i hate facebook. franz and i are here to set some ground rules. but first, rant:

FRANZ SAYS
First of all I would like to mention that facebook will eventually be the ultimate demise of our society. Since when has it been a good idea to let everybody know every single detail of your life? This ain't hollywood or the front page of Star magazine. And why the hell does everyone have a comment about everything?

JULIA SAYS
Why the fuck do people I work with want to be my friends? like ugh, I have no desire to have you see my drunk pictures from Friday night, especially if you're my boss. it's not like I'm going to write on your wall YO HOLLLERZZZZZ. but yet if I don't accept them it'll be rude. it's like fuck, I joined facebook to be a geek with my friends and now I have to filter myself.

THUS
With facebook having become so popular so quickly there have been no rules or social etiquette attributed to the site. Therefore Franz and Julia are going to be setting some ground rules for all you serial commenting application posting wall writing junkies.

RULES
Rule #1
Thou shalt not comment on a person's relationship status if it has taken a negative turn.
The whole relationship status thing is ridiculous unless you are in a serious committed relationship. If you don't know, don't advertise it, you are just asking for a difficult conversation with whoever you are dating. Commenting on someone who has just "ended their relationship" is just selfish and rude. Nobody cares what you have to say, if you really cared about that person you would certainly not be so rude as to simply comment on a facebook status. Pick up the phone and give them a call. That's right, you can communicate with someone by other means than a facebook message or a wall post.

Rule #2
Don't write private messages on another person's wall.
The wall is a public space so treat it like that. Don't write a sexy message to me, because chances are I'm already sleeping with your best friend

Rule #3
Don't add someone to facebook if you don't plan on talking to them.
A FRIEND is someone you talk to on a weekly basis, not the girl who sat behind you in 5th grade math. Referring to anybody you kind of know, and don't ever keep in touch with as a friend is therefore completely desecrating the term.

Rule #4
Nobody wants your applications.
Unless you are in junior high school and find these things amusing, applications on facebook are completely useless. No I do not want to play Mob Wars with you, nor do I want to get a virtual egg and watch it hatch. When you add an application you have a choice to send it to people or not. Crowding people's facebook with applications is extremely rude and uncalled for.

the end.

and in other news...

why is pink making out with herself?

oh pink and your bad girl ways.... seriously i'm all about new and cutting edge but this is weird. and now i think pink won't be able to find any boyfriend that can match having sex with herself. congratulations pink, you will now get off on yourself forever.

ta!

julia gulia

are you JIMMY RAY?

what happened to this Jewel?



seriously this chick was my life in the 6th grade, i even did an oral presentation on her in class when everyone else did it on Leonardo Dicaprio and Eminem. afterwards i got pegged as the "hippy chick". How do you go from being this down to earth songwriter to selling your song to intuition shavers?

oh poor late 90's artists who don't fit into the 2000 decade. see also:

- mase
- fiona apple (yes i know she released an album that got great reviews but WHERE is she?)
- boyz II mean
- smash mouth
- everclear (tear, my fave band from my early teens)
- lisa loeb
- savage garden
- natalie imbruglia
- third eye blind

also who remembers THIS GUY?????!!!!!!



my mom loved this song.

Franz and Julia Weekly Conversations January 12th 2009

In the spirit of rekindling some fond memories, I have decided to rekindle the much loved myspace blog "Weekly Conversations". This week's victim, the 10:30pm Facebook convo.

-Franz

werd

10:12pm
Julia
fail alexis

10:12pm
Franz
Epic fail

10:12pm
Julia
way to make event same night as c-rob's bday

10:12pm
Franz
I totally want fondue
and gamez

10:13pm
Julia
i already said i would go to c-rob's party so i cant go

10:13pm
Franz
yeah well I can't either

10:13pm
Julia
i'd feel like ass if i bailed on her

10:13pm

Franz

seriously
C Rob is from China yo
that trumps all.

10:13pm
Julia

haha for realz

10:13pm
Franz

ugh
best quote
of the night
therefore replacing emo song
in my status

10:14pm
Julia
yo so rufus and lily were trying to find their kid and then they find the adoptive parents and they're all like ah hellz no we wont let you see the kid until the dad agrees to meet them and tells them that the kid died in a boating accident last year. but then LATER he's talking with the wife and we find out it's their real son that died, not the love child and they don't want to tell them because "they dont want to lose another kid"
EPIC

10:15pm
Franz
woah

10:15pm
Julia
omfg
gg
mm

10:15pm
Franz
you have to do the omfg twice for it to be funny.

10:15pm
Julia
omfg
omfg
x2
haha

10:15pm
Franz

yes
that's the way they have it

10:15pm
Julia
and then i watched intervention and it was hella depressing
ugh
i gotz jazz class tomorrowz
recovery week over, time to move body again! word up

10:17pm
Franz

yes yo!
I had an amazing gym workout today
except retardedly mean old guy and his wife were there
and he was taking over like 6 machines
and when I tried to get on one he just glared

10:18pm
Julia
you knows whats amazing? my epic headache from intervention. time to take some advils and crash ngggaazzz
ew old man
working out

10:18pm
Franz
yup

10:18pm
Julia
double gross.

10:18pm
Franz
with old woman
crackly voiced old woman

10:18pm
Julia
i also watched some of that bromance bullshit
EPIC
the dudes were supposed to like make an activity to show brody who they were

10:19pm
Franz
dude

10:19pm
Julia
and all of them did cool shit, but this one guy is like im gonna lecture everyone for half an hour on their style cause im super fly
THEN HE GETS THE EXACT SAME TATTOO AS BRODY. in the same spot
so creepy hahaha

10:19pm
Franz
remember that time when we were at Taliana's birthday and John said he had a bromance with Robert Downey Junior

10:19pm
Julia
hahaha yeah

10:20pm
Franz

and you called him on it?
yeah that was a good time
"No John, you can't have a bromance with Robert Downey Junior because you don't know him"

10:20pm

Julia
called him out on his bullshat

10:20pm
Franz

lol
silly John
trix are for kids

10:21pm
Julia
dont you know anything?
did you watch some Golden Globes last night? epic celeb moments

10:21pm
Franz

like THE BOSS!

10:21pm
Julia
like tina fey winning best actress for 30 rock and calling out all haterz on the internet

10:21pm
Julia
"you can suck it"

10:21pm
Franz
yes!
hahaha

10:21pm
Julia
yes tina fey!

10:21pm
Franz
loved it

10:21pm
Julia
and kate winslet forgetting angelina jolie hahahaahha

10:22pm
Franz
I think Heath is going in for the Academy Award for best supporting actor.

forgetting angelina jolie?

10:22pm
Julia
"I'm so sorry Anne, Meryl, Kristin – oh God, who's the other one?"
epic win

10:22pm
Franz
HAHAHAH
fail.

I loved the random inserts on unsuspecting people

10:23pm
Julia
also tracey morgan

10:23pm
Franz
then they realize it and are like oh uh crap camera is on me what do I do?

yes

10:23pm
Julia
AMAZING
DEAL WITH IT CATE BLANCHETT
what???

10:23pm
Franz
HAHA
I KNOW!

10:23pm
Julia
im inserting this sentence into everything

10:23pm
Franz

do it.

10:23pm
Julia
"oh i dont know ed, the schedule is already pretty tight DEAL WITH IT CATE BLANCHETT"

ps benjamin button was dope, but they had this one story line that made the film like half an hour too long, did nothing to enhance the main story and was bad acting

10:24pm
Franz
gross

10:24pm
Julia
either then that 7.5/10

10:24pm
Franz
I am guessing it didn't involve Brad Pitt and Cat Blanchette

*other than that Julia.

***English Fail.

10:25pm
Julia
well like they set up the film that cate blanchett is on her death bed and she's like 90 and you cant understand what the fuck she's saying and she starts telling her daughter about ben button
and they cut back to them like 50 billion times, and its so boring
its like... lets stay in da story please

10:25pm
Franz

4 realz yo

YOU IZ OLDD! DEAL WITH IT CATE BLANCHETTE!

10:26pm
Julia
also she's dying in a hospital. during katrina. in new orleans
its like I HAVE TO TELL YOU THE STORY BEFORE THE HURRICANE KILLS US ALL
fucking RETARDED

10:26pm
Franz

even though it only killed SOME people

10:26pm
Julia
black people.

10:26pm
Franz
not everyone

10:26pm
Julia
you were gonna say it

10:26pm
Franz

ooooh
no, not at all

10:26pm
Julia
omfg
omfg
10:26pm
Franz

definitely NOT going to say that
fuck.

10:26pm
Julia
haha clearly it was a joke

10:27pm
Franz
mmhm.

10:27pm
Julia
cause george bush doesnt like black people
kanye knows whats up
*insert awkward mike meyers*

10:27pm
Franz
Kanye's blog: MORE YACHTZ!

10:28pm
Julia
hahaha
okay for realz i iz going in ma bed

10:28pm
Franz
okay
sleep tightz

10:28pm
Julia
batches be watching

10:28pm
Franz

I will terrorize you by knocking on the walls when I come home

10:28pm
Julia
gross
ill whack you in da ballz

da plane! da plane!

holy crapness the holidays are finally over. man you plan for that shit for a whole month and then whoosh it's over and you're like wtf i'm back at work.

seriously my holidays are never a vacation. why? 

sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents in berlin. 

mother in los angeles.

father in calgary. 

thus my holidays are spent half the time in airports, planes, taxis, dragging my bag around, sleeping on lumpy couches. i love my family and i'd do anything to see them, since i see them once a year (if i can afford to go to berlin) so i do it. also because i'm the youngest apparently this means i'm the only one who can put my life on hold and fly all over the place. that being said, having everyone try to cram into my house with 3 roommates would be a terrible idea so i make the trips.

i won't bore you with the usual holiday stories but concentrate on the flying part. the airport part. the fuck i hate traveling part.

my first plane ride was in 1992 going to canada from germany. i was 6 and didn't understand that going on the plane meant not coming back. i was with my dad and sister, my mom was already living in edmonton for the past year. i wasn't scared, i got on the plane, put my head in my dad's lap, focused on the brown seat in front of me and fell asleep. i ended up sleeping through the whole 10 hours flight. i woke up when everyone was clapping that the plane landed. apparently back in early 90's flying overseas was a huge feat. especially coming from east germany.

i didn't fly for awhile, some family trips to germany and florida where i fought motion sickness by frantically chewing gravol gum for kids and asking for apple juice the whole time. flying as a kid in the 90's was awesome because:

- free coloring books

- trips to the cock pit

- candy from the flight attendants

- kid package that included toys and stuff to pass the time on the flight, plus the famous "wings" pin.

also, if you fly alone as kids, you're a UM. this is awesome because if you have a connecting flight the flight attendant will escort you through the airport in one of this golf carts and they let your parents in through the security so they are right there to pick you up when you get off the plane.

once my parents were divorced and my mom had the brilliant idea to move to quebec my sister and i started flying. a lot. back and forth between calgary and ottawa every 3 months. i got so used to the sensation of flying that i could fall asleep during take off and landing. by the time my sister turned 14 we didn't need UM anymore, you were then old enough to fly by yourself and with kids.

i have now flown so many times i can't count it and i also ranked up so many ridiculous stories that my best friend jo refuses to fly with me because of my bad luck. i'm not lying when i say almost everything that could happen on a plane has happened to me except crash. here are some highlights of my experiences and my family's.

- flying back from florida to ottawa during ice storm of 1998, getting caught in newark without no flights going to ottawa. i was 12 and started balling my eyes out until the airport staff found one flight going to montreal so they put my sister and i in first class to shut me up. once in montreal we waited another 6 hours during the whole night for a plane to show up to get us to ottawa. so many weird people on that flight. once on plane to montreal we waited 3 hours for the plane to be de-iced and my mom was freaking out where we were in ottawa that she somehow managed to get connected to the pilot of our plane who reassured us we were in the aircraft.

- flying back from florida AGAIN to ottawa and being stuck in toronto airport during legendary snow storm. if anyone remembers the news reports of this and the 3 km lineup to check in or rebook your flight, i was in that line. for 6 hours. only to have my flight canceled. next day waited in same line. flight canceled again. my mom ended up driving to toronto to pick my sister and i up.

- stopping over in georgia atlanta, while landing we get hit by a near hurricane like storm which resulted in our plane getting hit by lightning, pilot losing control and having shit fly everywhere and a large black woman scream 'PRAISE JESUS!!!!' and having such bad turbulence 2 people puked. we somehow landed but had to wait 2 hours on the runaway until it was safe to move the plane and the storm was over.

- my sister taking off but a bird flies through the jet so they perform an emergency landing.

- my stepdad's plane taking an emergency landing after some douche wants to have a cigarette, gets angry at flight attendants and screams he has a bomb.

- my sister flying all the way to canada from germany with a bunch of horses on her plane hidden behind a wall that passengers were only informed about after landing.

- flying to berlin on christmas eve only to have it snow for the first time in years resulting in use circling in the air for 2 hours while they cleared the runway. we were the last flight in, there was a guy dressed in a santa suit, free champagne was given, we landed at midnight, it was a mess. and all the bags were lost and not found till the last day i was in berlin. thanks lufthansa.

these are only a few of the many, many random things that have happened. not to mention that even during this holiday i was stuck at the airport trying to get to calgary during the vancouver snowstorm 2008. also because of all the flying i do, i have become so paranoid with the thought of "this flight is the flight were the plane crashes, it's the only thing left that can happen" that i have several weird habits:

- never listen to any songs about death, irony or planes before flying.

- wear same pair of socks (i've had them since i was 13. worn them every time)

- wear same necklace.

- never wear anything red after once having a dream where i crash and i was wearing red.

- never EVER listen to the safety instruction (if i listen to them just this one time, i'll need them later)

i'm an idiot.

ta!

julia gulia