1:54 pm
dan and i show up at our old stomping ground elwoods. located in kits, it's the ultimate neighborhood bar that has been my drinking grounds of preference since i moved here in 2005. last week the blond aussie waitress that usually serves us tells us they will be open by 1:30. dan and i are in front of elwoods and it's closed. punk'd.
1:57 pm
franz texts me, he's in a cab on his way over. "k i will be there in 5 then we can assess the situation".
2:05 pm
dan, franz and myself are starring at closed elwoods, confused. we see a bar 2 doors over called The Shack with an open patio, we decide to settle for that.
3:01 pm
second pitcher of rickard's red. dan is eating pulled pork nachos and can't seem to talk, he has fallen in love with the pork and is speechless.
3:10 pm
graham kew and lola stop by for a pint before heading to lunch with lola's mom. dan is still recovering from his nacho orgasm. more pitchers are ordered.
3:30 pm
bianca shows up.
3:40 pm
when telling an awkward sex story, i pull a meg ryan and do a fake orgasm causing the two 40 year old dudes at the next table to notice and congratulate me on my performance.
3:50 pm
Byron shows up. the 2 old dudes have bought our table a round of jaegar shots. apparently my fake orgasm warranted shots. byron does his shot. byron has never done a jaegar shot.
4:00 pm
the waitress picks up our empty shot glasses, she calls out 2 of the glasses still having jaegar in them, franz downs it.
4:30 pm
justin, janet and shawn show up. we're now a solid drinking gang. graham and lola come back as well.
4:45 pm
an old greek man walks by our table and throws us a punch of peanuts and says "canada is a beautiful country!"
5:02 pm
we're all eating the peanuts. the waitress is grossed out.
5:15 pm
bardia has joined us. the 2 old dudes keep trying to join our group but they are super creepy. one squeezes my waist when walking by. they keep asking bianca for pot.
5:20 pm
a drunk middle aged man with no accent whatsoever walks by and greets us. the conversation is:
man - i'm from australia and i just love -
franz - you don't have an aussie accent.
man - oh well i grew up in nova scotia -
byron - you don't have an accent.
man - i'm just here to say hi.
5:30 pm
one of the creepy old dudes announces he wants to get laid. we decide to finally head to elwoods.
5:45 pm
the old dudes follow us to elwoods.
6:00 pm
we've settled into the back of elwoods. we are all switching to hard liqueur. kyle has joined us as well.
6:15 pm
one of the old dudes decided he wants coke so he leaves. the other one does too. finally.
7:00 pm
franz is trashed and is downing caesars like no one's business. i'm ordering tequila shots.
8:oo pm
franz starts his own dance floor at elwoods after switching the music to old school rock and funk. the waitress lets him control the ipod.
9:oo pm
franz finds out that the blond aussie waitress is actually english. considering she's been serving us for over a year and we didn't know this yet makes him feel awkward.
the timeline gets fuzzy after this but basically kyle puked and had to go home. poor janet almost fell asleep but got a second wind. chelsea barrie joined the party and we all kept drinking till 11:30 when finally we decided we were all trashed and had spent enough money. i tell you, going to bed at like midnight and getting a full nights sleep is glorious, no hangover!
of course franz and i decided to go to ikea the next day and haul a new 102 pound dining room table home by bus and walking. christ.
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